Hamburger Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger Hamburger (Written in the style of Catch 22)

Hamburger Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger Hamburger


It was love at first sight.
When Joe first saw McDonald’s he fell madly in love with it. Everyone thought he was crazy because he could never decide between a hamburger and a cheeseburger. Even Angus had told him he was crazy a week ago.

“I just can’t decide” Joe had said.
“Well, you better decide soon because there’s a long line of people waiting” Angus had replied.

Indeed there was. There were 7 people in line. The person right behind them was an 80 year old woman who smelled of death much like the half dead guy Joe had found in his car that day; she had a wrinkled old face and pink glasses and reminded Joe of his grandmother Susie which he had never liked so he immediately took a dislike to the old woman.

“If I get the hamburger I get less calories because the hamburger has no cheese, but if I don’t get the hamburger and I get the cheeseburger then I get the cheese from the cheeseburger. I love cheese. But if I get the cheeseburger then I would get all the calories from the cheese the cheeseburger has, so I think I’ll get the hamburger…”
Angus was just about to say “Good choice” when Joe cut him of and said:
“…Although I do love cheese…”
Angus sighed and said impatiently:
“Do you want the cheese?”
“Yes”
“Good, then get the cheeseburger”
“But If I get the cheeseburger I’ll get fat”
“Great, so then get the hamburger!”
“But I want the cheese”
“So the just get the cheeseburger!!!”
“Oh come on Angus, you know I’m trying to watch my figure and cheese has too many calories!”
“Jesus Christ!!! You’re Crazy Joe, you know that? Crazy!”
“You know what?” Said Joe “Let’s just go to Burger King and see what they’ve got there”.