"Dramatic" Monologue of a Catch 22 Character

Major Major Major Major
Should have been called Caleb but my father
was a pig. Stop talking about Fonda,
he can suck my cock, ‘cause I look more like
The Rock! Get out of my office and let
no one in, I’ll take no calls, say that I’m
in a meeting! Oh no! more papers from
Lebanon, fuck it, I’ll just sign Washington